Forgiveness.

Yesterday we talked about unforgiveness and forgiving others.
Our speaker was from New Zealand.

A few things that God spoke through him to me during the teacher were..
-We want someone who speaks the languages of our heart.
-God isn't a record keeper of my sins.
-You're either set free from your sins or your bound by them.. Those are the only two options.
-The people who are quick to forgive are quick to get blessings from God.

My day progressed and I was slightly frustrated with just different aspects of my day. I kept talking to people who were worried about knowing what they had to deal with that night. I couldn't think of anything that would really upset me so much. I thought I wouldn't be crying or having a hard time but boy was I wrong.

I started to write a list of a few people I felt maybe I had bitterness towards. I asked God to reveal everyone who I really had an issue with. Before I knew it I had written a whole page of names covering it.

A few of my friends started confessing aloud the people they needed to forgive. I was so proud of them and tearing up just because I knew how much it meant to them and the Lord that they were forgiving those who hurt them.

I guess a few tears just set me off. The speaker called out different groups of people we needed to forgive, and one of them was friends and ex boyfriends/girlfriends. It suddenly hit me how much bitterness and even hatred I had towards people.
I started to forgive these girls who called me fat when I was 9 years old.. The girls who changed my perception about how I looked for the rest of my life. I didn't even really know that was such an issue until I started crying my eyes out about it.
Then I began to forgive every ex boyfriend.. Every guy who used me.. Every guy who had hurt me. I prayed that they would become men of God. I prayed they would find women who will love them and cherish them. I prayed blessings over the ones who tore me apart.

Leah came over to me and hugged me trying to comfort me. I thought it was all over until she asked me a question that changed everything.
"Julie, did you forgive yourself yet?"

Oh sweet Jesus, He made the tears come harder. I never knew that was my issue. I've had so much insecurity, so much hurt, and such a hard thinking of myself because I never forgave myself for my sin and past mistakes. It was hard for me and I couldn't for a long time, but I finally voiced out loud that I wasn't holding condemnation against myself anymore and that I forgave myself because I knew the Lord did.

Once again, I felt a release..