Phew.

I feel like I need to post something on here, but I don't know what I should even say.
I'm going through one of the hardest times of my life right now but God is helping me through it. It's still going to suck for awhile, but I'm slowly getting through this.
I can't wait to go home. I can't wait for the end of DTS in this aspect but until then I'll take this a day at a time.

I can't fight my own battles anymore.

Take back the years.

So I know I just posted a blog earlier today(Please read before reading this one, it will help explain things) but I have to write another one.

This afternoon in class, Karen just said that God was going to control the class. Phew..
So Josh Sinke started laughing hysterically in the spirit(something I hadn't experienced since sunday night days so I was a little reluctant to at first). Then Leah caught it and suddenly the spirit was just moving like crazy. Almost everyone in the entire room was struck by the Holy Spirit primarily in laughter. My school is "The school of joyful harmony" and so far we hadn't broken through in that.. And I think thats why the Holy Spirit worked that way. Anyways I fell down, but what was cool about it was that no one was praying for me or touching me, the Holy spirit knocked me down himself. Anyways, I started laughing really hard for a little bit, but then God started speaking.
He told me that now that my heart was at the place where He wanted it, He was going to release a part of His heart for India to place in my heart. I began to weep and weep and pray in tongues. I had asked for the Holy Spirit to move in a way that wasn't typical for me. Because of that, I didn't receive a vision, but my heart was just so burdened even thinking about them. I cried for a long time and no one prayed for me(God thing) until the end. This lady came over and started singing over me in tongues. I know this sounds crazy but somehow She was singing Hindi words. It was incredible. Ofcourse I didn't understand it, but I knew it was Hindi.
After weeping for a very long time, I was realizing everyone was laughing in the spirit except for me. God then told me it was His joy for me to begin to understand my calling and destiny, and thats the joy He wanted to give me.
Hahaha... however.. The rest of the group couldn't even make it all the way inside the gym because the spirit was so heavy on them. From four pm till 8:30 ish, people were completely slain in the spirit. Usually I get kinda like.. weird about that. But I didnt sense it was fake. The Holy Spirit finally started the freedom my school needed.
I was late to work duty, obviously, but God kinda snapped me out of everything around 6:30. I was going to the sub and in the field on the way I completely fell before the Lord. I felt like He said" I'm taking back the years the enemy has stolen." Wooo man.. I am so excited for that word. I feel like there has been 5 years of rebellion in my life and that the next five years God is going to give me alot of what I've missed in that time.

God is so good. So so good.

Blown away.

I cannot describe to you how I feel right now.
I am soooo... pumped.

Yesterday at the substation a group from an older DTS prayed for me, Johannes, and TaShonnTrenn. I don't know how to explain it except that the holy spirit just fell in that place. We were praying for my school. My school has gone through alot but there still needed to be a breakthrough in some people's hearts. God really burdened us three to be praying for those ones. So once we began to pray, God anointed us to carry this into our school.
Then we went to "Dwell" which is this worship prayer meeting.
The first major thing that happened to me was I started dancing and jumping during worship. Although this isn't that big of a deal to most people, it was the last thing that was holding me back from God. I was too afraid of looking stupid and wouldnt humble myself to act in the freedom of the Lord. It was the most freeing beautiful thing to completely be myself. I got this vision of this jewelry box being formed in my heart and God unlocking it and putting this crystal heart in it. I felt like the major things holding me back were finally all gone.
Then Johannes and I started to pray for certain people we felt like we were called to. I've never spoken with so much authority in my life. I was casting things out of people and just getting ridiculous revelations for them.
Then they asked us to ask how the Father was feeling for us and His heart. I layed down and just got the most overwhelming sense of joy. I couldn't stop smiling and people kept telling me how contagious my heart was and they could sense my heart after God.
Johannes, TashonnTrenn, and I prayed for another guy at the end to have this leadership anointing so that there would be one on each outreach team(Johannes and I to Thailand, TashonnTrenn to stateside, and Joe and Tyler to South Korea.) God gave me this word for him that totally made sense to me and I had no idea his thoughts about it. It was crazy..

Anyways today, the four of us decided to start meeting before every class until lecture phase is over to just pray. We did it this morning and I honestly felt like it made a difference.
I went up and shared my heart for the class: Running the race God has set before us and not just walking beside Him, but sprinting. Also not staying at the cross with our burdens but being set free from that spot. And not letting every situation be an emotional moment but a revelation. I just went full force and then more and more people kept getting words for my school and it started a whole ministry time. We also learned about healings today and God allowed me and worked through me to heal this girls breathing problems.

I'm saying all of this to testify that God is a miraculous God and can take any person and completely change their life around. This is only the beginning and God is already anointing me to speak into people's life with the authority and power that only comes from Him. I am so blessed that God would use me.

When the Holy Spirit moves, It moves.

I'm once again blown away by the power and might of the Holy Spirit.
Our teaching is on spiritual giftings this week. It's the first day and I'm already SO excited for the rest of the week. The speakers names are Mark and Karen DiBernardo. Just Karen spoke today and she was amazing. I definitely feel like I have a connection with her and I'm not sure what. I think she is going to tell me something by the time this week is over though.

In the afternoon class we prayed for people to receive the gift of tongues if they hadn't before. I've never seen the Holy Spirit move so quickly in this before. It was insane and actually very encouraging to see once again that the spirit is alive and well.

I also had a very good quiet time today. I'm finally getting to the point of getting over my anger and hurt and actually asking God what He has to say to me about this whole situation. Let me tell you, once you do that, God is always faithful to meet you. I took one step and He took ten(Should have listened to Leah days ago =[).
Anyways, I asked Him where I went wrong and why this is such an issue in my life. He brought things up that I hadnt ever particularly thought was involved in the situation. My eyes are starting to get opened.

It's getting easier to get through this. Everyday is a new day and I can only handle what that day brings me. But I honestly believe that's the place I'm supposed to be right now.

Honesty

This week has been one of the hardest weeks of my life.
The speaker ended up getting a tad better. He called me "Search the scriptures" for the entire week because I was the only one who did my homework of finding scripture verses.
I definitely admired his heart of compassion. We took a day and a half to talk about our relationships with our fathers. With every person, he would weep with them no matter how severe the situation. He really wanted to love on each person.

My heart has been very worn out this week. I had an insane amount of roller coaster emotions at all times. I've heard some pretty harsh honesty but the people who love me. I guess that's good but it doesn't take away the sting from it. In a way, I wish I could just go home and get away from this. In a way, I wish he just wasn't here. But most of all I wish I was just over this.

I get frustrated with myself because everything is always a huge deal to me. Nothing is ever a small issue or problem. I'm trying to take things to God and I know He is dealing with me. I just dont see the good in this yet.

It. Is. Freezing.

It's so ridiculously cold here.
I will wear my snuggie for the rest of lecture phase, if not both of them.

I havent updated lately because I'm not really sure what to say.

Going home for thanksgiving was amazing. I was so happy to see my family. It was almost a relief to go home. I was faced with some things I didn't think I would be faced with, but ofcourse God is always faithful.

Our speaker this week, Tom Harris, is causing a little bit of controversy in the classroom. I don't really understand what I think about what he is saying yet which is actually a very frustrating place to be at. It seems like most everyone knows what side they stand on, but both of good points. Oh well I gotta see through it somehow.
I think I'm sad because this week is supposed to be about the Father Heart of God and I'm not really understanding how it's all fitting in yet.

I'm getting really sad because lecture phase is over in two and a half weeks and then its outreach. After that, it's over. Leaving some of the people here is going to be the hardest thing ever. I've made the most amazing friendships here and it doesn't make sense in my mind that I wont see them everyday for a very long time.

Anyways, im freezing still.