Heart to head.

I've come to realize it's harder to write my blog during SOE because DTS is completely straight to the heart, where SOE is straight to the head.
Quite frankly, this has been difficult for me to process sometimes. I love the heart stuff, the fresh revelation of huge things you never felt before. But I know head knowledge is important and it's time to grow up. I guess it's been good though because I've had alot more revelation of scripture lately. I love the book of Deuteronomy.

Yesterday we had a team meeting about Romania and Czech. God gave me a cool vision:

It started out with the cross and there was a steam running from it. The blood from the cross started to go into the stream. On both sides of it there were people who were laying on the ground dead(Not grotesquely or anything but just dead). When the blood would pass them they would get up because it gave them life. I realized that His blood is the blood that's flowing through the veins. He gives us hope and thats what drives our core. I was very encouraged that it is the hope that people will see in us as Christians if we're walking in confidence that we have been redeemed by the lamb.

This week is Larry Allen. I absolutely LOVE Larry Allen. He is very wise and smart but incredibly gentle and the way he expresses God. You can tell how much he is in love with Jesus. He is talking alot about defending our faith and ways to understand why we believe what we do. It's been alot of information to take in, but good. One point that I loved was:
Every design has designer parts. If you don't live to the requirements of the parts, the design will be destroyed.

It's so true. If you don't give the designer parts what it needs, it wont work properly. So with our relationship with the Lord, if parts aren't properly cared for it wont have its full capacity to be what it was designed for.

In other news, I pierced my lip. I love it, minus my lips being MASSIVE being of swelling. Ouch.



The Lord is good and that's all that matters.

Love is permanent.

This past week we did "Financial Seminar" week where we learned how to fund raise, manage our money better, why the Bible supports being supported by others, etc. It was was a very informative week and helped me alot. I got prayers that I would have a husband who has many contacts for support and I say yes and amen.

Probably the best part of the week for me was when we made our mission statements. You go through a series of questions: What you did as a child, what element are you, what do you love, what do you hate, favorite movie, and some others.
After that you start to pick from lists of words of who you want to help, what your giftings are, etc.
Ofcourse, if you know me, you know I ADORE these kind of questions. Plus our speaker was very animated and I enjoyed listening to her. So we go through all these papers and
then she calls me up to help me in front of class.
This may not interest you, but I'm going to put down the process of what happened.
One of my favorite things is when a painting or a song is completed. I love the process of going from zero to a beautiful masterpiece. On the flip side, one of my least favorite things is when people give up on something that has great potential.
My three favorite movies are Zoolander, Mean Girls, and Slum Dog Millionare. When she asked me to explain why, without even realizing I did this, I said "Because it shows the reality of_________(Modeling, How means girls actually can be, and the beauty and despair of India).
She then took my words, took my other questions and formed my Mission Statement:

To embrace, redeem, and value the restoration of beauty to prostituted women.

I cried reading it to the class which then made many people cry. It was glorious to see my heart in one easy sentence.

This week is called Strategic Frontiers. It talks mostly about the world and getting our eyes to see it clearly and see what God wants you to see. It only started yesterday but i really like the speaker. One main thing he said yesterday was "There is a difference between having a heart of compassion and your actual calling." I liked that alot because I feel like sometimes in my life I havent had as much compassion as I was capable of because it wasn't my "Calling". But we are called to have compassion on this lost world and that's my job more then my calling.

Other then class, I'm doing alright. I'm very sick and I hate it. I wasn't ever sick during DTS so this is my first time being sick away from family and I don't appreciate that. I'm also nervous because on saturday is open mic night where I'm singing this song with my co-worker/boss, Dennis.


It's a beautiful song.

We'll, it's time for class, time for me to probably cry again as they're talking about the world, and probably cough so much the rest of my class can't hear the speaker.

Mirrors.

I know you're not really supposed to do this, but I feel like I need to share because it will explain what I'm talking about.
Last week, from Wednesday until Sunday morning, I fasted mirrors. Well not just me, but my entire small group. We felt like the Lord was telling us to do it so we could find more security in Him.
Suprisingly, it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. Yeah it kind of sucked not being able to look at yourself when there is reflections everywhere. I never knew how many mirrors there were until I couldnt look at them. So I learned a couple things from the whole experience:
1) It was good to not wear makeup for at least two of the days(Shelby did it on the weekend). I feel alot more confident without it and I actually went out without it, not just in this YWAM community.
2) On Friday I got this huge revelation. I don't want to explain all of it, but the jist of it was that my view of what I need to look like was very distorted from the standard an old ex used to apply me to. I got past most of this during plumbline, incase you forgot, but I guess I never addressed this specific circumstance. Quite honestly, I forgot about it, but God brought it back to my memory. It fully came to clear to me at that point that I deserve someone who looks at me with loving eyes and a pure desire. Someone who wants the best for me.

Learning about what love really is, and finding out how it should be, has changed my thinking on "Love." I really don't think I'll put up with stuff that used to happen to me but I dont want to see anyone else putting up with it either. But, it's good to have the perfect example to compare it to.

On another note, God has given me two really awesome scriptures about the future:

2 Like fluttering birds
pushed from the nest,
so are the women of Moab
at the fords of the Arnon.

3 "Give us counsel,
render a decision.
Make your shadow like night—
at high noon.
Hide the fugitives,
do not betray the refugees.

4 Let the Moabite fugitives stay with you;
be their shelter from the destroyer."
The oppressor will come to an end,
and destruction will cease;
the aggressor will vanish from the land.

5 In love a throne will be established;
in faithfulness a man will sit on it—
one from the house [a] of David—
one who in judging seeks justice
and speeds the cause of righteousness.
-Isaiah 16

1 Awake, awake, O Zion,
clothe yourself with strength.
Put on your garments of splendor,
O Jerusalem, the holy city.
The uncircumcised and defiled
will not enter you again.

2 Shake off your dust;
rise up, sit enthroned, O Jerusalem.
Free yourself from the chains on your neck,
O captive Daughter of Zion.

3 For this is what the LORD says:
"You were sold for nothing,
and without money you will be redeemed."
-Isaiah 52

I really like the end of the second one where it says "You were sold for nothing, and without money you will be redeemed." Maybe it has another meaning but the meaning I got pertained to prostituted women. I've been reading Redeeming Love(which I've read through half way twice. But this time it's completely wrecking me) and she was sold for nothing like most of these women are. But the only way to redemption is through Jesus. You cant buy love and purification. I don't know, I just thought it was really cool.

And for a funny ESL quote: "Julie, your voice is very..very....cuddle." -Thai Girl.

What does love look like?

This song has been speaking so much into my life,
and I wanted to share it.
Close your eyes and think about it.






“What does love look like?” is the question I’ve been pondering
“What does love look like?”
“What does love look like?” is the question I’ve been asking of You

I once believed that love was romance, just a chance
I even thought that love was for the lucky and the beautiful
I once believed that love was a momentary bliss
But love is more than this
All You ever wanted was my attention
All You ever wanted was love from me
All You ever wanted was my affections, to sit here at Your feet

Then I sat down, a little frustrated and confused
If all of life comes down to love
Then love has to be more than sentiment
More than selfishness and selfish gain

And then I saw Him there, hanging on a tree, looking at me
I saw Him there, hanging on a tree, looking at me
He was looking at me, looking at Him, staring through me
I could not escape those beautiful eyes
And I began to weep and weep

He had arms wide open, a heart exposed
Arms wide open; He was bleeding, bleeding

Love’s definition, love’s definition was looking at me
Looking at Him, hanging on a tree
I began to weep and weep and weep and weep

This is how I know what love is, this is how I know what love is

And as I sat there weeping, crying
Those beautiful eyes, full of desire and love

He said to me, “You shall love Me, You shall love Me
You shall love Me, You shall love Me”

With arms wide open, a heart exposed
With arms wide open, bleeding, sometimes bleeding

If anybody’s looking for love in all the wrong places
If you’ve been searching for love, come to Me, come to Me
Take up your cross, deny yourself
Forget your father’s house and run, run with Me
You were made for abandonment, wholeheartedness
You were made for someone greater, someone bigger, so follow Me
And You’ll come alive when you learn to die

Letting Go.

Updating this blog seems to be a harder task during SOE haha =]
I'm not sure why, I have the same amount of time.

God is awesome. He has really been fufilling needs that I never thought I needed. I'm going into a more intimate relationship with the Lord and it's something I never thought I could have. I'm learning about His consistency, transparency, what it means to walk with Him throughout the day. I've began to long and hunger for time with Jesus more then any other thing. It's where I'm found complete and the best place I can be.

On friday night was a prayer service at a church. It was really amazing because God honestly just fell on everyone. I felt as if He was sitting right next to me talking in my ear. I was getting these crazy visions I've never gotten before and just this passion and closeness from the Lord. At the end of it, one of the ladies from the church came over and prayed for Leah and I. She said she had been watching us the whole night and that something was very different about us. She said she could see and feel the anointing but just prayed for more of it. I forget all that she prayed, but it was exactly what I needed to hear at that point. And at the end(which is what I remember most) she started singing over us. She kept singing the word "Destiny" as a proclamation. I never have had someone sing over me but I've always wanted that to happen. It was such a real prophetic song from God. It birthed something in me and I just want Him more then anything. A love relationship with Him is new and is what I've always wanted from an earthly love relationship.

This week is on Evangelism with Ed Sinke. I'm still a little stressed out about it, only because he really makes you think why you believe stuff. This morning he asked a simple question: "Why does God love us?" We answered for a good twenty minutes but wecouldnt give him the answer to WHY, just true facts about the topic. It came down to a very simple point: God is omniscient. He has thought long and hard through love and has realized that to not love is to be stupid. It's such a true statement and that is how He came up with loving us. The answers to questions aren't that hard but Christians make them hard. I'm thorougly excited about what I'll come away from this week with, but I know the process is going to be really tough.

Another thing God really is doing in my heart is renewing my love for India. I just really love that country and it's as if it almost sings to me when I look on the map. It just captivates my attention and I can't wait to go back. I don't know more details but I'm getting more of a heart then I did before, which is where it all begins.