Beautiful.

Our last day of ministry was today. We have been doing work in a gypsy community here and it's been very amazing! Like I have said, I can't get over the beauty of the gypsy people. They are definitely my favorite ethnicity looks wise. I do love the culture as well and it makes me very sad how bad they are treated over here. Ofcourse bad things have happened with them but so has any other race or people group. I dont understand how people can shun away such amazing people.
The children were a bit wild, because we were the first team that has ever gone there. However, they really did enjoy us being there and I think we made it clear that God loved them very much.

I can't believe this outreach is over. It's gone by incredibly fast and it's just shocking its time to go back to Tyler. I really can't be grateful enough to God for this outreach. I couldn't have survived if it wasn't for His grace walking me through each and every day!

I've loved so much of the ministry.. I was blessed again to work with prostitutes, and God has opened my eyes to a whole new culture(I love the fact that gypsies come from India too! =]) God is just so good to me.. So very good to me.

I'll be in Tyler for one week and then I'll be back in El Paso. I don't feel ready to be back in normal life but I know God has chosen that for this season in my life. I know He has my hand and we'll walk through it together. Even if it's through the desert and the storm.

Targoviste.

Hey everyonee!
Well, I'm here is targoviste. We had a day of rest on thursday, our second the entire trip. Then we had a prayer walk yesterday and just scouted out the land. Its a very different type of city here but i cant really explain. i like it though.
Tonight we did a youth service and talked about human trafficking. I love talking about a passion in my heart. Its good to inform Romanians because alot of them dont know much about it and the risk they have. Then we did the freedom drama and I gave my testamony. I love being able to share what God has done in my life and the redemption He gave me. We had a great prayer time after and got to encourage the people at the service. Yay Jesus!
This is the last week of outreach and were definitely in it for the long run. If I have more time I'll update again =].

Dragonesht olt.

I'm so very sorry for the delay in updating my blog. We haven't had consistent internet for quite a while now and this is the first opportunity to do so.
I'm now in a city, dragonesht olt, in romania. Its a village type place that is run by the gypsy mafia and is the darkest place in all of romania. Its drenched with witchcraft and sorcery and about .2 percent Christian. However, the church here is amazing. They are so anointed and unified and really do alot of work for the kingdom here. We have been doing a vbs with the neighborhood children and soccer ministry with some of the teenage guys. We are only here for a short time so we are trying to pour all we have into these next couple of days.

God is doing such amazing things in my life! i'm learning more and more everyday how to be a leader. i've become practically staff because our team has shortage of them. I really am loving it though and am learning what to do, what not to do, and that leading is really actually just serving. i'm having to cook meals(for those who dont know, ive never cooked very much. my mom is too good at it and ive never had to.) Daily I make cooking mistakes and my leader Catherine just laughs and me and fixes it. It has been quite the experience.

along with learning about leadership, God has been doing amazing growth in my life. After dealing more with my over abundant insecurity issues, I've become a stronger woman of God. I'm learning what it means to walk confidently in my identity through Christ and how important it is for life. i've also gained such a hunger for the word. I'm reading in 2 chronicles right now and the stories are just coming alive. Things i never would have thought about are coming into my head and the Holy Spirit is just speaking into my life. When I have more time, I'll write something specific that God really has shown me through King Hezekiah.

Another great thing is a black preacher from Ghana gave a message out of Exodus 4. He was talking about the things that we have in our hands, like the staff that moses had. God asked him what was in his hand, and then to put it down. The preacher continued to talk about how we must offer God all that is in our hands: Our plans, our ideas, our thoughts. God says and does the things humans cannot or think they cannot do(Grabbing the snake by the tail, which usually causes them to bite you.) He then talked about how we cant fully live the way were supposed to until we say "Yes lord" and respond to Him. My favorite part of the entire sermon though was "God may not do the miracles your asking for until you move. Move to a different place. Move to the place of your inheritance." Man, I just loved that!

anyways, i'm doing great, incase you can't tell. God has sustained me so much this past week. I've realized i have nothing to offer this team because im just too exhausted. but this week especially, God has given even more of an abundance of life. instead of sleeping all the time, im having the most amazing quiet times. i'm falling even more in love with Jesus!

Continue to pray for our team. Two girls have gotten sick, but its definitely spiritual warfare related. We have a little less then two weeks until we come home and we want to finish strong and run the race God has marked for us!

Constanta, Romania.

I'm now in Romania, which is VERY different from Czech. it feels different, is more expensive, and just reminds me of thailand for some strange reason. Maybe its the air, the big plants everywhere, and the crowded streets with cars and taxis, but its just.. different.
We are at a base here and working with many types of ministry this week. i'll be cutting lots more hair, which is always fun for me. We will be doing street ministry for the gypsies here, and a texan themed coffee house night on friday. =]

because not much ministry has happened, Ill take this time to update on my personal relationship with the Lord.

I am growing SO MUCH on this outreach! The Lord is really taking parts of me that i had no idea where still there and continuing to fine tune them. I read this book about insecurity by Beth Moore. I strongly suggest any woman to read it. it opened my eyes to even more insecurity i had in my life that i didnt even know existed. But it made me grow, so much. I've never felt like I was as indentified as I am now. I'm learning more and more of who I am in the Lord every single day. I've never been more confident and have had so much of my security place in God. Learning to trust the Him with everything has been a process but nonetheless I'm learning and growing.
Another way I've been growing is realizing that I'm not that big of a deal. No, I'm not saying im not important, or that i'm some invisible person, but my needs and wants and desires dont have to be fufilled in exactly the way I want them. I'm learning what giving up my "rights" is. i'm such a small, tiny piece of a puzzle that shows a picture of the vast glory of God. Whatever way He wants to use me, thats what i want. Whether things go my way or not, God is loving and caring and will redeem any situation. if I follow what He is saying, thats the best place for me to be.

So much more is happening in my heart but its definitely not finished enough to talk about it. I love the fact that I'm being used and still poured into on this outreach. I cant ever be thankful enough for the mercy and grace of King Jesus!

Beauty.

I wanted to write a short update =]
The day for the women went amazing. About 25 women came in and we got to talk to them, give them cosmetology treatment, and just love on them. it's insane how young full blown prostitution starts here. But my passion is just growing more and more.
Today i cut the gypsy childrens hair, which was kind of insane. I got water thrown on me by some of the adults in the complex. i dont think they were happy i was there. but the kids loved it, especially the boys. My clippers almost were ruined but I think its okay.
Anyways, thank you so much for praying!

Cheb.

Hey everyone!
Sorry for the delay in writing =].
I'm now in cheb, which is the biggest prostitution city(i think) in Czech. It's the gateway from germany to czech, so many men come from germany to the prostitutes. The city is run by the vietmaneze mafia-so there are lots of short asians everywhere. There are masses of poor gyspy children roaming the streets as well. However, I adore this city. It's so evident that God loves this place although there is so many awful things happening. There is such a sense of peace here.
Yesterday we went and drew on the park sidewalk. We did it kind of as a prophetic act. We wrote in Czech and English just the redemptive purposes for this city. A man walked by and our translater and I talked to him. He said that he was clinically dead after an accident he got into, and he didnt believe in God but wasnt sure why he was alive. But when he walked by these writings, he felt strength from somewhere and couldnt seem to leave the place or stop looking at the scriptures. It was so amazing that it affected people like that! Even the city sweepers who were supposed to clean that area didnt because they wanted the writings to stay there. Talk about the favor of the Lord!
It was amazing though because I went to talk to a girl nearby. She was incredibly open and I began to talk to her about my life. We got stuck on the subject of forgiveness and I got to talk to her about forgiving the people who have hurt me in this life. She just cried and cried with me and hugged me. This is quite unsual for czechs to be so affectionate, so you could tell in truely meant something to here. I got such an amazing revelation that God uses us so greatly and our testimonies are amazing stories of His grace in our lives. Thank you Jesus for such divine appointments!

We've been going out on the streets every night. This prostitution is breaking my heart even more and more. These girls are lined up on the corners. A truck will come by, and one will hop in it and drive off. A little while later, they will get dropped off again and start over. It's EVERYWHERE. There is no hiding what's happening here. Although its not legal, the police do nothing about it. It's a known fact and absolutely rampant in this city. Last night we had an amazing prayer time for them and I feel that God is pouring even more passion into me. My prayers aren't wishful thinking or timid anymore. I pray with strength, power, and authority that the Lord has given me to pray until this issue is changed!

Tomorrow we are holding a time where I cut hair for these women we have met. We aren't sure how many will be coming, but I'm THRILLED. Some women and my guy friend Joe will be staying back to pray with the women while I'm cutting others hair. Please pray that it will be fruitful.

We've also been going to a local gyspie community and playing with the kids. It's the runnest down of the run down living conditions. However, the gyspies are the most beautiful people I have ever seen. It's honestly quite ridiculous. It's hard to talk and do much of a program because lack of translaters but we are still loving. On saturday I will be cutting hair ALL day for these kids. Pray for my hands that they can withstand that much. It will most likely be about 40+. I really want to bless these kids more then anything, so I know God's strength is made perfect in weakness.

We will leave to romania on monday. 36 hour train ride, baby.

Prague.

I'm safe and sound here! Its taken me a few days to update, I've really had no time to be on this thing.
This city is the definition of gorgeous. The buildings, cobble stone streets, ahh it's very romantic. It's not loud like traffic loud really. We're staying in a hostile here which is quite interesting. I never know who is in our little room. There are two bathrooms for about 32 of us. So far nothing too too awkward has happened. But who knows.

Ministry has been slow but good. We go out on the streets at night. The girls here wear less then Thailand, which I guess I thought wasn't possible. Black men from Nigeria are the ones who invite people to the clubs and they stand outside of them. They are the easiest people to reach. They are very receptive because they are "Christian". It is impressive how much they know about the Bible and God. One man, however, I got to really pray with. His wife worked in the club and he looked very sad. He hates his job and wants to leave but cant. I got to pray for him and it went well. Most of these men hate their jobs.
Last night I got into another conversation with a different black guy. It was cool, because I asked God to send people to us. Then this man literally walked up to me and said, "Well.. What are you looking for?" We got into a pretty serious conversation and hopefully he is coming to church with us tomorrow.

We also did some childrens ministry in a poor area yesterday. These children are beyond beautiful. It's very sad though because you can tell how unhealthy they are and how much neglect they deal with everyday. I love loving on these kids.

Today is another free day and I'm going out to take pictures. I'm pretty excited.
There are tons of little coffee shops which are lovely. I found out I cant drink european coffee at night because it keeps me up, if our hostile people arent. They tend to come in at three am very very VERY drunk. Jesus is testing our love for our neighbors, man.

We leave for a new city on monday where we will do much more prostitution ministry. Many bachlor parties come to czech for cheap sex. There will be masses of groups of guys like that and it's very bothersome. Pray for wisdom and grace for that and continued wisdom and grace for me dealing with the team.

Dallas,

Hey everyone! I'm back from Dallas, exhausted, but doing okay.
We worked with YWAM dallas and did a day camp with ages 2-19. I worked with ages 2-5 year olds. They were very precious children for the most part. I made a lot of little black buddies that said some of the funniest things I've ever heard. The camp was consistently very chaotic, with 100 kids on our busiest day. We taught Bible stories, did crafts, memory verses, pretty typical stuff. We took the kids swimming at a public pool, and yes, its as crazy as it sounds.

At night we did other sorts of night ministry. One night we worked with a program called ACTS. We pretty much knocked on apartment doors in an incredibly sketchy neighborhood. We gave them water and told them about the church and prayed with them. I ended up talking to a black family that was outside for a good half an hour. They were so open to the gospel and quite honest with me about how they were living their lives. (I like that about “street” people.) I prayed with them. They didn't accept Christ but I walked away knowing someday they would. It was super encouraging.

We also went and passed out water bottles at a bus station. Ive always hated this type of ministry until SOE. Now I really love it. I'm not embarrassed to walk up to a random person and ask them if they have prayer needs Hardly anyone even says no. People are so appreciative of a simple prayer and you can speak so much into people's lives.

God's been doing a lot of awesome things in me as well. And by awesome, they aren't really awesome, but actually super hard haha. But I know it will be good afterwards. Pray that I continue to go hard after what God is telling me to do.

Overall, amazing week. Exhausted. Not ready to leave, but must. I leave for Czech on Monday, and I'll update as soon as I can!

Lecture coming to an end.

Well, lecture phase is officially over and outreach starts on Saturday.
Currently I'm a bucket full of emotions.
Ofcourse I'm excited because it's outreach and its fun. But honestly I think I'm being more of a Pessimistic Patty and thinking of the stuff I'm leaving behind.
Honestly, I'm just leaving my best friend Esther behind, which is super hard. God really put her in my life for this season of YWAM and it feels like I'll never see her again, even though I will debriefing week.
Also there is stress on my shoulders that I'm trying to give God. I'm in charge of some things and have had to assume a leadership position. I realized I really do love leading things, however, there are most definitely pros and cons to it.

My heart hurts looking around my room and seeing everything packed up. This has gone by ridiculously quickly and I don't think I'm ready for it to be over.

Nonetheless, I know God knows what He is doing. Keep me in your prayers.
I'll try to update before I actually go to Czech, which is on June 28th. I'll be in Dallas from Saturday to Saturday.

Compassion makes a difference.

*Warning: Kinda long post but a very important one.*




This week's speaker was Ray Highfield. I can honestly say he is on my top five people who have inspired me in my life. I've known him for four days, but his life and testimony is an absolute image of what I would like to be.

I'm pretty sure Ray started the first AIDS help program in the states. Not like medically, but actually helping them and having a home for them. Because of this he reached out to many many homosexual people. He opened his home; Infact, his backdoor was always open and in the morning he would count heads to see how many people to make breakfast for. He started to reach out to the aids victims by visiting the aids hospital floor. He would touch them, which was quite scarce in the 80s. He prayed with them and led many to the Lord. He had one kid named Kevin come and live with him. He found out he had aids, and was planning to kill himself. His neighbor however heard from God to call him and go to his house. She stopped him from killing himself. She took him to her church but the pastor disowned him completely. She took him to another church and asked the pastor to anoint Kevin with oil. He wouldnt touch him, but threw oil at him from behind the pulpit and told him he couldnt come back. The only person who would take him in was Ray. He lived with Ray for 4 years before he died, and Kevin made a huge impact on many people through his radical salvation.
Lee, had aids and was in prison. He died while he was there. They pronounced him dead, and took him to the morgue. Before the funeral director went in there, Lee got resurrected out of nowhere. It scared the funeral director almost to death, haha. Since Lee was already "Dead", they couldnt put him back to life in records. So Ray took him in. Lee got saved, got married, and lived for 10 more years after this happened. He owned his own woodshop and was a very happy man(I saw him in a video.)
So many stories of what Ray has done.He's ministered in gay clubs where men would line up and sit at the bar, cry, give their lives to Christ, hop off the bar, and the next would do the same. Ray would go to gay couples homes, not say anything really about Christ until they asked, and they would get convicted with that alone and come to Christ and seperate. He has I cant even remember the countless and countless stories Ray told. He cried with each and every one of them. He has more compassion then anyone I've ever seen/heard about. You can just tell by looking at this eyes they way he loves people.
I got the privelege of talking to him one on one. I asked him how it was possible to love everyone no matter what they have done. He told me something along the lines of: I vision them as a child, not the adult they are now. The child who is so hurt, angry, and scared. That's who we need to minister to.
Ray's life has been very hard, especially with the loss of his son this year. These people have stolen from him, lied to him, burned walls in his house, you name it. But each time he still loves them and lets them come back. He doesn't give up on anyone no matter their past or how they act.

He brought up a point that many churches aren't ready for or to accept Homosexual/ AIDS patients. We don't know what to do with them and we reject them even if it's not blatantly. The church has done more to hurt these people then anyone else on Earth, and we're the ones called to love and preach the good news to everyone! How convicting! God said to feed the hungry, give a drink to the thirsty, etc etc etc. That means these people too. Their "sin" isn't any bigger then ours. So many times Christians put homosexuality on this scale of the biggest sin. I've done this. But really, it's not. It's just as bad as adulterers, liars, and other addictive behaviors that are in the church. We must reach out to these hurting people.
Something i loved that Ray said a bout this is: "Don't try to clean a fish before catching them." A misconception in my head was that we had to make them be straight before they could come to know God. Ofcourse they won't do that! We have to catch them, even more importantly God has to catch them before He cleans us out. We should love and talk to them like any other sinner.

Ray challenged me to love like I've never loved before. A quote he said was," We must remove ourselves from behind stained glass to save stained lives."
We as Christians must step away from our little bubble, our little wants, our comfortable lives and fufill the calling God has placed on our lives. Because honestly if we dont... Who will?

Holy Spirit.

I'm back from a wonderful weekend at Kyle's house. My best friend Esther and I both stayed there from Friday until Monday. It was very relaxing and full of Bridezilla, Massive amounts of food, shopping, clean laundry, and swimming.

I'd like to say that I'm deeply sorry for the Feuille family and I'm praying for you very much. I should update about last week.





Walter Heindereich, a german revivalist, spoke. The first day, he walked up there and started to being his teaching. Not even ten minutes into it he looked at me and said,"It's you. You will be a prophet. People will call you the mouth of God because what you say to this generation." I froze completely and my heart dropped. That's the second time I've gotten prophesised over that I would have that gifting.
At the end of his teaching, we had a worship time. I heard God say, "I will awaken the sleeping if you raise up the dreamers."
I heard is so distinctively. People who are just dreaming when they are sleeping can't do anything. But when you're awake, with dreams, huge things can happen. God can wake up the people, get them out of sin, actually change them(since we can't). But it's our job to raise up the dreams they have, to bring to light the gifts God has purposed and intentionally given us from the beginning. Pertaining to me, I was reminded of a tactic my sister used to talk to ladies in the district in the Philippines. She would ask them what their dreams were or what they used to want to be when they were kids. It brings them back to reality and raises up questions and thoughts in their head. My job is to help these dreams, their purposes, actually happen.

Walter was an amazing man in general. He was radically saved by the Lord and instantly delivered from drugs while he was at a party. It changed his life completely. He walks entirely by the holy spirit directing Him. He heals people all the time, and sees hundreds and thousands of people saved. He has HUGE ministries. But you would never know it-He is very humble. But what you can notice is the way he carries himself. You feel the holy spirit when you are around him. A few things really amazed me when he spoke.

-He said the Bible told us to "Heal the sick" not "Pray for the sick". I never ever thought about this before. Maybe us as Christians are going about this the wrong way. Ofcourse God has mercy on people, but are we actually doing what He says to do? If the healing is for them to go and be with God because that is the ultimate healing, or if they are radically healed physically, God desires all people to be healed because He is a loving God. Walter said every healing is different and you must listen to the Holy Spirit to tell you. He told us a story about this little six year old boy who loved Jesus so much and he would just touch people and they would be healed. SIX YEARS OLD! Another small girl in Mongolia brought her grandfather up from the dead because she knew he wasn't a Christian. He came alive and instantly became a Christian, and died two years later. Normal people heal people when they have the Holy Spirit. I always thought it was these special people who were high up in the church or something. No everyone, it's us! It's apart of the great comission and what God has called all of us into!

-Church isn't supposed to be in a huge church with a set worship time, set prayer time, set sermon, blah. Church in the Bible was a meeting and people listening to what the Holy Spirit told them to do. They trusted that someone would get a word or direction. People would break out into songs, not have a worship band. He wasn't anti church or anything, but Walter made me realize we are trying to fit God into a schedule when maybe He doesnt want to be in a schedule. He just wants us to listen to Him and worship Him, and He'll let us know what's on His heart. We are the body, we are the church. We each individually have a place!

Phew. So many good things were said but I dont currently have my binder.

Another thing I want to mention is the sermon that was preached at Kyle's church. He was talking about when Mary(or Martha cant remember) anointed Jesus with that very expensive perfume. All the disciples said it was a waste because it was a years wages. But Jesus said was she was doing was beautiful. She gave what she had. The pastor said something interesting: People try and try to give things they don't have instead of what they DO have. God has given us each a unique design and wants us to give Him our gifts. God isn't expecting something huge that we don't have. I guess this stuck out to me, because many times I don't feel like I have enough to offer God. But I do! I have giftings God has given me and I just need to pour them out on Jesus's feet. That's my job and should be my heart.

Again, this week is freaking phenomenal with our new speaker. But I will update when I have all I want to say. I wish everyone could hear and experience all that I'm going through! God is doing such great things.

When death isn't always morbid.

I went home this past weekend, which was an amazing time. It was good to see my family, and wonderful to see my nephew, Micah. But it made me start to think alot.
My grandpa's funeral was harder then I anticipated. I was glad to hear about the other side of my grandpa that I never saw. But the funeral made me think about death alot. I can't imagine losing my parents or family members. If I dwell on the thought for more then a second, I start crying. Anyways, I told my mom this and she told me something Beth Moore said: "God gives us grace for the moment, but not for our vain imaginations." That stuck to me because I realized how much I think of these horrific things that could possibly happen, but wont. I don't need to worry about the future.
Lesson learned, right? Wrong.

On Monday morning, I thought it was just a Monday morning. I went to a Czech Mania(Czech republic and Romania team just seems so long.) meeting and learned more about the trafficking system over there. That made me terribly upset but I proceeded to base prayer. This woman began to speak. I had never heard of her or seen her, but shortly I found out that her husband died on the mission field. She has children and everything. I can't say many details online, but her story absolutely broke my heart. But I think what tore me up even more was the fact she was wanting to go back to the country. She wanted the people who killed her husband to become Christians and be saved. Her kids want to be missionaries there. This happened not even that long ago, but God has completely redeemed her and her children. Her drive shocked me. She was devoted and loved her husband so much but God was still above all things. She rested in the Character of God and wasn't bitter at all.
I cried for three hours about this. I was so upset. I couldn't imagine this happening to me and then it dawned on me that I'm called to missions. My heart was pounding as I realized this was a possibility for any missionary family to face. To be quite vulernable and open with the people I love who read this, I wrestled with God why He called me to be a missionary. Doubt, insecurity, and distrust in the Lord began to pour out of me. I realized that God wasn't my core in this area. I know His character, but I didn't trust that God could give me grace in that situation. I would probably leave the missionfield, not wait to get back on it.
I kept crying, and crying, and crying more. Then I got the news of a family friend, Robert, who isn't doing well. My friends and I stopped to pray for a miracle. Although I'm not best friends with him or anything, he means alot to my family. I didn't think I could cry that much more but lo and behold I cried more!

It didn't really get settled in my heart until yesterday afternoon. The School of Worship leader, Josh, spoke to us about leadership. In leadership, we have our vision of whatever we do. He explained that our vision must be consistent, even if things change. Then he went on to talk about four voices we need to listen to about our vision: Inner voice, Unhappy voice, Successful voice, and Higher voice.
He talked about our convictions and how they are the thing that roots our vision. Conviction is a firmly belief or opinion that doesnt change by emotion. Our convictions then affect our values, which affect our principles, which affect our actions. Convictions in the end produce the action. He then explained that any justice movement(which is incredibly popular these days) will not last if Jesus isn't the foundation. Jesus is the reason why we even go out there! God's heart breaks for these people so much and out of a love for Him, we do this. Whether we're tired, in good or bad situations, etc, He is always worthy.
It hit me then that no matter what happens, death or life, that God is so worthy of our love and adoration. My calling, which I need to hold alot more loosely in God's hands, is only out of first my heart for Jesus, but then my passionate love(only given by God) for women in prostitution.

phew. that took alot out of me. God is doing SO much more in me since this morning, but I'll wait until the end of the week to post about it.

Chicago.

I'm finally back from a fantastic week in Chicago. Chicago is my new favorite city in America because it's so wonderful. I love the diversity, the buildings, the fact it still has a lake and it's the city, and how the suburbs are so close.
It started out with a 16 hour van drive there. I was absolutely dreading it but it wasn't actually that bad. We stayed at the YWAM base there which was a four story apartment building type thing. I loved it and realized I would love to live in one of those things. I slept in the meeting room with 5 other girls. There was another team from Masters Commission that was staying at the base too. They were actually pretty cool when they talked to us. The guys were incredibly respectful of girls which was very nice and the whole team was a good dynamic for our team.

I learned so much this week about the passion we need to have for cities. 50% of the population lives in major cities now, and by the end of the century 90% will be there! That's almost everyone! And if Christians aren't living in the cities, how will people hear about Jesus? The other amazing thing is that God really is on the move in cities and he wants to redeem what cities are known for(Drugs, violence, etc). Diversity and unity are two of God's greatest intentions for the world and that's exactly what cities could be. Brad(YWAM leader) spoke to us about his passion for the city. He was such an inspiring person because he absolutely knew without a doubt God's heart for it. One thing he told me that stuck out was that we have to jump on God's bandwagon, not expect Him to just jump on ours. Often times we have our own idea, and instead of going with what God is ALREADY doing in the city, we make up our own thing and ask Him to bless us. I also learned that it's important that we don't just look at the strongholds when we go to cities/countries. If we look at what God's orignial intention was for the place and find redemption for those things, oftentimes the strongholds will fall through anyways. God is such a redemptive God!

The first day we walked around little Vietnam. We did religious surveys and just asked people questions about what they believed or where they came from. I was paired up with my good friend Jon. We met this black man named George, who after seeing me, decided that women from texas are more beautiful then women from California. He then also said he wanted to go to texas to get a steak. George was an interesting guy. Another part was we had to ask for 50 cents to use a pay phone(We had to call Brad, the YWAM director, so he made sure we did it.) Honestly it took a blow to my pride, which was good. It puts you in such a humble state to ask people for money. And the funny part was, no white people would give. Only black people gave to us. I realized I never give people money and that I should start. At night time we did homeless ministry. I came in contact with a very angry angry black man who then proceeded to cuss me out and call me the white devil, but that's okay. It was a learning experience that I will never forget.

On day two, we rode the city buses and talked to whoever sat next to us. It was such a fun experience! It was kind of like speed dating, but speed praying instead. Almost everyone wanted me to pray for them by the time they had to get off at their stop. I came to realize that you can minister everywhere, even if it's just on the bus. On Tuesday night we did street evangelism again but this time in the Gay/alternative district. I prayed for an Iraq man and also talked to a very gay black man. Both went well, but I shortly got lost in Chicago right after. I was with Kyle and Jordan and after walking around for a good 45 minutes( and missing debriefing) we went and ate Dunkin Donuts. Which was quite enjoyable.

On day three, we went to little India! It was so amazing-I really felt at home there. All the stores smelled like India, the clothes looked like India, I even got real Chai! I was reminded of what a beautiful country India is and how much God has in store for them. I really love the people and culture. We also went to a salon(God told us too, I promise). We talked and ministered to the ladies who were there and they did our nails. This was highly enjoyable for me and I realized how awesome and the potential God has for my ministry! On wednesday night a man named Sam Shamone came and spoke to us about Islam. I can't even describe to you all he spoke, but if you ever want to read his arguements they are very good.
www.answering-islam.org

On day four, we learned and went to At Risk communities. It's really sad how many people are in or were in these places. Pretty much they are these high rise buildings that put hundreds or thousands of people inside. Most of them are on welfare and can't get jobs or anything. But the sad part is that it's almost a generational curse. Because your parents lived there, you live there, and since you can't get a job because youre "irresponisible" you end up living there, etc. It goes on and on. Gangs also run the buildings and stairwells so mass rape and murder happens. We went to three different ones and it was just really sad. But I learned that if you want to change a communitie or people, you have to LIVE there. You can't just do programs and leave, or at least that wouldn't be as successful.
On thursday night I ate chicago pizza, went to an art show, and watched Bible man. It was great.

Friday we went to a mosque and a hindu temple. It actually didnt affect me like temples usually do but I was okay with that. It was sad though because both of the people who spoke to us used to be Christians before they went to the religion. The hindu man was a hilarous black man who seemed like would have been an amazing person(if he lived outside the temple) and the women who was a muslima, seemed so hurt and depressed. They were both heavily blinded by their own religion and contridicted themselves often. It's just sad how much we can believe in deception. On friday night we did an open air worship and prayer time in the city. It's just how it sounds, but God really showed me something. We did communion and while I was kneeling on ths sidewalk just looking up at the buildings, I realized Jesus died for each and every one of those people. It was suddenly evident the MASS amounts of people that are in the world and how Jesus loves each one. I felt like God was speaking to me saying" Lead people to the way that you found me." I found Jesus at the cross, with all my sins hanging off of me. It's my job, my calling, to lead people to the cross where Jesus showed the ultimate example of love.

That was chicago, and I miss it terribly.
I'm going home this weekend, due to the death of my grandfather. I'm really sad for my family but I'm glad I'm going home. I miss them.
Also, my room smells like fish thanks to the huge shipment of Korean food sent to my roomates. Thank you Korea.

Freedom Drama.

Wedding Dreams.

I've promised some people I would post a blog of my dream wedding. This has nothing to do with what God is doing in my life or anything, but me getting in an extremely girly mood. And I thought I would give ya'll a break from the boring stuff =].

My wedding colors are Teal, Taupe, and Bronze/Gold(I dont want that bed, just the color):


My glamorous wedding ring!!!!!:
My beautiful dream dress:
I adore this dress, minus the lace. But mostly I love the top:




My makeup would probably be something along these lines:

My hair will be braided back like this on the side:

Some of the hair would be pinned up like this on the side:

But with these kind of curls coming down the side:


Tuxs but vest would be teal(No words to describe how attractive these tuxes are to me.):


Bridesmaids dresses(Sisters and Ana, tell me what you think!):

Flower Girl dress but sash will be teal:



Ring bearers tux but bow tie will be bronze:


Wonderful invitations:


My wonderful Bouquet:


My centerpieces will be peacock feathers with Gold and Taupe shiny balls:



I really like fish as centerpieces as well:



The most gorgeous cake I've ever seen:


I want my wedding to look very Indian like(Colors would be Teal, Taupe, and Gold):


Plates:


One table option:




Other table option:



Champane/Sparkling cider fountain:



Chocolate fountain:


Yes I know, I'm quite expensive. But I can always dream! <3

Momentum caused my movement.

This week is ministry prep, which are always one of my favorite and least favorite weeks. It's alot more relaxed then DTS schedule wise, but I'm absolutely 100 percent more exhausted then I was.
I'm the main character in a drama called freedom. In the drama, the girl discovers herself, then discovers sin. She is then entrapped by sin, until Jesus comes and saves her. After she is saved, she starts dancing because the freedom she gained.
It's a beautiful drama, I love it. Except for the fact that I can't move without my whole body aching. Literally every part of me hurts. In the drama, I'm thrown around all over the place and have a pretty consistent whip lash of some sort. I'm all bruised up on my knees-it's disgusting. Pretty much I'm pushed around by the demons so hard I don't even have to try to fall or run in an opposite direction. Oh well though, things happen. I was nervous about the dancing part because it's very ballet-esque, but apparently I do it gracefully. I'm very excited to perform it on Friday for our commissioning service. I'll record it and post it here.

I'm also one of the four leaders in charge of VBS. I've had to re-write 5 bible stories and teach the clowns to act them out. It's pretty simple and not that hard. I'm glad VBS is going smoothly this time around because VBS for Thailand was quite horrendous. I wasn't even in charge of VBS and I still ended up doing it. How confusing is that?

So a quite exciting story, for the past few months my parents and I have been praying for a car for me. My old retired saturn(Which was quite retired before it even became mine) was not going to live much longer. With help from money that I didnt even know existed until a couple months ago and some help from my parents, I have a new car! It's almost brand new, only has 3600 miles, and we got an amazing deal for it. I'm so excited! God is just showing me how faithful He is in doing this for me =]




On Sunday morning we leave for Urban missions week in Chicago. I'm quite excited minus the 16, yes I said 16, hour van ride. Oh ALSO its 16 without stops. What the heck man.
Anyways, we will be working with the gay district, learning all about hinduism and islam and going and sitting through some of their teachings so we can understand and actually get a heart for them. I'm pretty excited about that. We'll also do some open air worship and evangelism. It's going to be great but please be praying for open doors and divine opportunities from the Lord!

Much Love.

Melancholy Sunday Afternoons.

My Saturday and Sunday afternoons are always a little bit hard, because it's the only time i really rest during the week and I begin to think. Therefore, I am writing in this and trying to keep myself occupied.

The end of last week was fantastic. Larry went through 15 ways we can know the Bible is true and the word of God. I had always had a small doubt about that in the back of my head but I don't anymore. It's good to know you can trust it.

I got a revelation from the Lord when Larry was talking about how God has the right to be a jealous God. Larry said, "When God says He is jealous, he isn't trying to dictate everything about you. He means 'I love yo u, and if someone hurts you, I will deal with them.'" I have NO idea why suddenly it made sense but I realized that no matter what my past has done against me God will deal with it because I simply can't(and quite honestly shouldn't have to deal with anymore). It was such a good feeling to know that it doesn't matter. God loves me and He will protect me and He hurts because I was hurt. It's up to Him now, and He will deal with it. Then again I remembered that the Lord fights my battles for me, even when the root of the battle is against Him. He stays by my side, fighting when I can't.

Quite honestly it's been a very rough week for me personally with my relationships on base. I'm seeing things I didn't quite see before. But God is remaining faithful to be there consistently. It blows my mind that God is always speaking to us but we just aren't always listening. Kim Walker said something that really clicked within me: Dry seasons are an invitation from the Lord to just go deeper.
Isn't that crazy to think about? It's dry because its getting comfortable so God is trying to invite you to go deeper and deeper with Him, not give up because it's not easy anymore. Agghh perseverance.

Fun things: Last night I went to the Lion King production that Emily Allegretto was in. I saw Maty Gilmore for the first time in 3 years. It was pretty crazy. But also Olivia Meades is in town so I got to see her and I just absolutely love her. Anyways, the Lion King is probably one of my favorite movies and the soundtrack blows my mind. Last night made me wish I was a dancer, which happens almost any time I go to a dance recital. So either I need to stop going to recitals or become a dancer. I think I will choose the latter.

Heart to head.

I've come to realize it's harder to write my blog during SOE because DTS is completely straight to the heart, where SOE is straight to the head.
Quite frankly, this has been difficult for me to process sometimes. I love the heart stuff, the fresh revelation of huge things you never felt before. But I know head knowledge is important and it's time to grow up. I guess it's been good though because I've had alot more revelation of scripture lately. I love the book of Deuteronomy.

Yesterday we had a team meeting about Romania and Czech. God gave me a cool vision:

It started out with the cross and there was a steam running from it. The blood from the cross started to go into the stream. On both sides of it there were people who were laying on the ground dead(Not grotesquely or anything but just dead). When the blood would pass them they would get up because it gave them life. I realized that His blood is the blood that's flowing through the veins. He gives us hope and thats what drives our core. I was very encouraged that it is the hope that people will see in us as Christians if we're walking in confidence that we have been redeemed by the lamb.

This week is Larry Allen. I absolutely LOVE Larry Allen. He is very wise and smart but incredibly gentle and the way he expresses God. You can tell how much he is in love with Jesus. He is talking alot about defending our faith and ways to understand why we believe what we do. It's been alot of information to take in, but good. One point that I loved was:
Every design has designer parts. If you don't live to the requirements of the parts, the design will be destroyed.

It's so true. If you don't give the designer parts what it needs, it wont work properly. So with our relationship with the Lord, if parts aren't properly cared for it wont have its full capacity to be what it was designed for.

In other news, I pierced my lip. I love it, minus my lips being MASSIVE being of swelling. Ouch.



The Lord is good and that's all that matters.

Love is permanent.

This past week we did "Financial Seminar" week where we learned how to fund raise, manage our money better, why the Bible supports being supported by others, etc. It was was a very informative week and helped me alot. I got prayers that I would have a husband who has many contacts for support and I say yes and amen.

Probably the best part of the week for me was when we made our mission statements. You go through a series of questions: What you did as a child, what element are you, what do you love, what do you hate, favorite movie, and some others.
After that you start to pick from lists of words of who you want to help, what your giftings are, etc.
Ofcourse, if you know me, you know I ADORE these kind of questions. Plus our speaker was very animated and I enjoyed listening to her. So we go through all these papers and
then she calls me up to help me in front of class.
This may not interest you, but I'm going to put down the process of what happened.
One of my favorite things is when a painting or a song is completed. I love the process of going from zero to a beautiful masterpiece. On the flip side, one of my least favorite things is when people give up on something that has great potential.
My three favorite movies are Zoolander, Mean Girls, and Slum Dog Millionare. When she asked me to explain why, without even realizing I did this, I said "Because it shows the reality of_________(Modeling, How means girls actually can be, and the beauty and despair of India).
She then took my words, took my other questions and formed my Mission Statement:

To embrace, redeem, and value the restoration of beauty to prostituted women.

I cried reading it to the class which then made many people cry. It was glorious to see my heart in one easy sentence.

This week is called Strategic Frontiers. It talks mostly about the world and getting our eyes to see it clearly and see what God wants you to see. It only started yesterday but i really like the speaker. One main thing he said yesterday was "There is a difference between having a heart of compassion and your actual calling." I liked that alot because I feel like sometimes in my life I havent had as much compassion as I was capable of because it wasn't my "Calling". But we are called to have compassion on this lost world and that's my job more then my calling.

Other then class, I'm doing alright. I'm very sick and I hate it. I wasn't ever sick during DTS so this is my first time being sick away from family and I don't appreciate that. I'm also nervous because on saturday is open mic night where I'm singing this song with my co-worker/boss, Dennis.


It's a beautiful song.

We'll, it's time for class, time for me to probably cry again as they're talking about the world, and probably cough so much the rest of my class can't hear the speaker.

Mirrors.

I know you're not really supposed to do this, but I feel like I need to share because it will explain what I'm talking about.
Last week, from Wednesday until Sunday morning, I fasted mirrors. Well not just me, but my entire small group. We felt like the Lord was telling us to do it so we could find more security in Him.
Suprisingly, it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. Yeah it kind of sucked not being able to look at yourself when there is reflections everywhere. I never knew how many mirrors there were until I couldnt look at them. So I learned a couple things from the whole experience:
1) It was good to not wear makeup for at least two of the days(Shelby did it on the weekend). I feel alot more confident without it and I actually went out without it, not just in this YWAM community.
2) On Friday I got this huge revelation. I don't want to explain all of it, but the jist of it was that my view of what I need to look like was very distorted from the standard an old ex used to apply me to. I got past most of this during plumbline, incase you forgot, but I guess I never addressed this specific circumstance. Quite honestly, I forgot about it, but God brought it back to my memory. It fully came to clear to me at that point that I deserve someone who looks at me with loving eyes and a pure desire. Someone who wants the best for me.

Learning about what love really is, and finding out how it should be, has changed my thinking on "Love." I really don't think I'll put up with stuff that used to happen to me but I dont want to see anyone else putting up with it either. But, it's good to have the perfect example to compare it to.

On another note, God has given me two really awesome scriptures about the future:

2 Like fluttering birds
pushed from the nest,
so are the women of Moab
at the fords of the Arnon.

3 "Give us counsel,
render a decision.
Make your shadow like night—
at high noon.
Hide the fugitives,
do not betray the refugees.

4 Let the Moabite fugitives stay with you;
be their shelter from the destroyer."
The oppressor will come to an end,
and destruction will cease;
the aggressor will vanish from the land.

5 In love a throne will be established;
in faithfulness a man will sit on it—
one from the house [a] of David—
one who in judging seeks justice
and speeds the cause of righteousness.
-Isaiah 16

1 Awake, awake, O Zion,
clothe yourself with strength.
Put on your garments of splendor,
O Jerusalem, the holy city.
The uncircumcised and defiled
will not enter you again.

2 Shake off your dust;
rise up, sit enthroned, O Jerusalem.
Free yourself from the chains on your neck,
O captive Daughter of Zion.

3 For this is what the LORD says:
"You were sold for nothing,
and without money you will be redeemed."
-Isaiah 52

I really like the end of the second one where it says "You were sold for nothing, and without money you will be redeemed." Maybe it has another meaning but the meaning I got pertained to prostituted women. I've been reading Redeeming Love(which I've read through half way twice. But this time it's completely wrecking me) and she was sold for nothing like most of these women are. But the only way to redemption is through Jesus. You cant buy love and purification. I don't know, I just thought it was really cool.

And for a funny ESL quote: "Julie, your voice is very..very....cuddle." -Thai Girl.